His Eyes
by kashudoreineko
Summary: Written in response to week 31 of the Makin' Lemonaide group Elemonth Hour challenge. Makino reflects.


His Eyes.

Written in response to the Week 31 challenge on Makin' Lemonaide board: Write about eyes as a first person or as another characters feelings about someone's eyes.

DISC: I do not own Hana Yori Dango or its characters. If I did, I wouldn't have lasted 36 volumes, or I would have died of sleeplessness while worrying about the characters for that long.

It was his eyes. It was always his eyes.

At first, when I first met him, his eyes were cold - unseeing. Unfeeling. Maybe I just wanted to see him feeling something - make him be human for a change. Maybe that's why I struck back. No one should have that much power without being human.

But somewhere along the way it changed.

When he brought me to his house for the forced makeover, his eyes weren't dead any more. It was like they were... He was looking for something. I didn't know what, but it was kind of a desperate search. I didn't notice it at the time, because he kept up his proud facade. But looking back...

I told him off and stormed out and his eyes were wide like a child who's just been scolded by his mother. And then they got even wider. He was just staring at me. It made me feel...

For about a week after, every time I saw him, he had those same eyes – deep with some new emotion that I couldn't or didn't want to name. It was almost painful. They weren't dead any more. They were alive. They were warm. They were so intensely searching. So trusting.

He came out and stopped those girls from bullying me and told me not to cry, and his eyes were kind.

He can't have kind eyes. He's not capable of kind eyes. He doesn't deserve to have kind eyes.

I pushed his help away. Pushed him into a tree, and his eyes - were filled with desperation as he asked what was wrong with him that I wouldn't accept his help. So I told him I hated him. His stupid curly hair. His stupid idiotic mouth. His arrogant attitude. And his horrible snake eyes.

Except they weren't. They were sad, hurt. Not the cold, dead, snake eyes he'd had before. They'd come to life, and showed pain at my words.

The next time I saw him, he'd straightened his hair, and he was devastatingly beautiful. But I couldn't let him know that. Because his eyes were filled with hope. Until his hair overcame the power of the relaxer. And he was so embarrassed. I actually felt bad for him. But...

His eyes were so upset. And it hurt my heart. But he doesn't deserve my good wishes. He doesn't.

So I laughed at him.

And the next time I saw him, my hair was in braids. Why not? They're practical. But he laughed at me. And I ran away. I knew exactly how he'd felt when I laughed at his hair and I actually felt bad. I shouldn't ever feel bad for that rich ass. But his eyes weren't belittling when he laughed. Even though he was saying that I had finally figured out my place in the world - as a pauper - his eyes were... like he was joking back with me. Like he was trying to share something from the time I'd made fun of him.

I can't share ANYTHING with him.

When he put the red slip in Kazuya's locker, his eyes weren't cold. They were filled with a burning anger. I yelled at him. How could he treat such a good guy that poorly? The students had thrown garbage all over Kazuya who'd only been at school for one day - who'd never done anything bad to anyone ever. Why on earth would his eyes be filled with that white-hot hatred? For Kazuya?

I asked him that, and his eyes were so sad as he said, "You just don't get it, do you?" He asked me why I wanted to hang out with such a twerp and I told him it was because I liked Kazuya.

And his eyes...

He slapped me. As he realized what he'd done, his eyes were filled with horror and regret. I socked him in the jaw. I had to get away from his eyes.

The whole school threw garbage on Kazuya and me. Finally Rui stepped in to save me. And Doumyouji's eyes were even more filled with pain. He put on a proud front and threatened to kick Rui out of the F4. Told him their friendship was over.

I got to go home because Rui saved me. I knew he only did it because of Shizuka. But it was okay.

After I went home, I got really sick. Missed school. And Doumyouji came to my apartment. Not Rui,. Doumyouji came to my apartment. Our tiny apartment. And when he saw that I was sick, his eyes...

He charmed my parents. He even ate a commoner's dinner. And sick as I was, Mom made me walk him out. And his eyes looked happy. He laughed with me. Okay at me. But his eyes looked truly happy for the first time that I'd ever seen.

Until I told him that I was going to Kazuya's villa for the holiday. And his eyes looked hurt again. I didn't understand it. Why did his eyes have emotion in them? Why were they so alive now?

He followed me down there. To Kazuya's vacation spot.

And at the new year party, they turned out the lights and you were supposed to kiss whoever was next to you and it was him. He kissed me. My first kiss. I was horrified. And his eyes... were filled with wonder.

He looked at me so happily after that. Each time I saw him, his eyes were glowing. Until.

I heard later that Souijiro and Akira told him that I was in love with Rui, and that was what set him off. But that day, his eyes were all dead again. And he almost killed some student that bumped into me in the hall. I'd never seen him like that before. It was like there was a black hole where his eyes were before. I ran from him.

Later, at night, when I'd come back to the school, he cornered me in the stairwell. I thought he was crazy. His eyes. His eyes were so dead. So cold. He grabbed me, and pushed me against the window. He told me it was all my fault. Then he punched it and the glass cracked and his fist was bleeding and his eyes...

I ran, and he chased me, and I couldn't run any more. He kissed me, and his kiss was so soft. I was crying. I begged him. Please. Please don't hurt me. His eyes softened. He patted me on the head. Held me. Kissed my forehead. Told me he wasn't going to hurt me. Told me not to cry. And then, he just held me for a while before he let me go.

I had a hard time facing him after that. I didn't want to see those eyes anymore. I was scared of what I'd see there.

But for some reason I kept coming back. I found myself in his presence more and more.

One day someone was making fun of me and he said that I was beautiful. Me. Beautiful. It made my heart do something weird. I didn't know what was happening.

That's what I told myself. But it was a lie.

Because deep down I knew. I knew why his eyes had changed.

But I didn't want his eyes to look at me that way. Because when they did, I couldn't help... feeling... warm.

When his eyes smiled at me, I felt myself getting closer to him. The more he looked at me like that, the more I wanted him to look at me like that.

His big beautiful brown eyes. Eyes that so many girls had swooned over - even back when they were dead.

But it was only after they came to life that I fell. If anyone were to ask me what made me fall for Doumyouji, I could tell them it was his persistence. His steadfastness and loyalty in the face of everything. But while those were part of the package, the real thing that made me fall... was the love in his amazing eyes.


End file.
